Features

Behold the Kegerator

Finally. An excuse to buy even more beer.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away (10 years ago, 7 minutes driving distance from where I currently live), my father got a kegerator for some reason. Birthday? Some kind of honor for his outstanding achievements in field of excellence? He used it for awhile, but eventually, Dad gave it up and and went back to the sweet metallic taste of cans. The kegerator found a new home at my place, sitting in the storage area behind the bar getting funky like a monkey (a very sickly and diseased monkey, possibly with the clap) for the next 7 years.

With my number one sous chef and full-time girlfriend moving in, we decided to fix up the basement and go full man-cave on this one. So instead of cooking for all of you (and her), I’ve been cleaning up the place and refurbishing the kegerator.

Fortunately for me, there was a 1/4 keg of old Miller Lite in there and a disgusting beer line attached to it. Dumping that beer was the worst smell I’ve ever encountered in┬ámy 31 years. Here’s what she looked like on the inside.

WARNING. GRAPHIC CONTENT.

keg

That’s what happens to you when no one pays attention to you for 7 years. Kind of like me in my teen years, except the kegerator didn’t get super fat. I seriously spent like 4 hours with S.O.S. pads, wire brushes and prayer to clean out what I would classify as gunk. It should also be noted that behind that “white” panel in the back was something that could only have been a portal to another dimension. Also, more gunk.

Here she is today:

keg2

Clean as a whistle, sharp as a thistle, best in all Westminster Media. New CO2 tank. All new parts for the lines, tap, you name it. All of it. Every last part.

Which brings me to some announcements. This saga launches two new features on the site:

  • Eatin’ & Drinkin’: A series about beer and pairing it with a number of dishes (in most cases, Food Chain Originals).
  • What’s This One Do?: A series on kitchen appliances and products that I’ve collected over the years, their uses, and if I get real bored, what they might look like with a mustache and a monocle. I don’t know. I’m not really good with Photoshop.

The first keg (Sam Adams Octoberfest) has been ordered. And since everything important to men has a female name (my car is named Rosalita), I’m now taking suggestions on what to name this one. Thoughts? Leave your vote in the comments section below!

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